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Struggle is Real and I Need to Face it

I look at myself in the mirror and I look fine.

All is perfect about me except for the fact that sometimes, I feel that I still have to do more. I mean aside from doing my daily tasks, I get bored that I feel I have more idle time than most people. I feel useless. I feel that I am not productive enough. I feel that I do not exert enough effort on the things that I do.

So I fill my time with reading ebooks, watching K dramas, etc - the things I wanted to do when I was still working 9 hours a day on weekdays. 

I'm at a point where I think I've used all the time that I need after I stopped working from the corporate world. Sometimes, I feel the business will do well on its own that I think I need to resort to other things. So many things cross my mind. 

I work from home during weekdays. Weddings and events happen mostly on weekends. When my weekend is usually free, I spend time with family.

Sometimes I feel alone that I wanted to go back to office work and be an employee again. I miss having officemates around. My life now as an entrepreneur is so much different when I used to work corporate.
I get to enjoy my money more back then. I get to splurge. Once in a while I can afford to travel places, buy the things that I want or spend it all knowing that I will receive salary on the next payday. I spend every single day thinking what else to do. My focus is to think outside of my shell maybe to escape from this dilemma. 

If you think my life is perfect, this is not perfect. I am just a human being like you. It is hard and it's not easy. A lot of times in a day that I would think about this and it would cause me headache. I would feel sad and depressed.  

Then, I would pray. I have learned to pray. I close my eyes, keep still and talk to God. When I open my eyes I would go on again but I still struggle. Sometimes I hear a voice telling me that I should focus on the things that I have. The things that God has already blessed me with. 

The thing is I failed to be grateful for what God has already blessed me with:
  • my team
    • continue to train more members to help and share my knowledge and learn from them too
  • my past clients
    • the married couples I had who hired me as their wedding planner and coordinator
  • my couples who are about to get married in 2018
  • my partner suppliers in the industry
  • my supportive family
  • my supportive boyfriend

So I think I will end this post and ask you (yes, you who took the time to read this entry! Thank you for reading by the way) to please pray for me that I may not be distracted of anything other than looking ahead and trusting God. 

I know that God led me to this path and that it was no accident. He did not bless me for nothing and I should use it for His glory. If I will be successful, it will be up to God but I pray that He will not lead me astray.

I want my life to speak for the Truth. Though it is hard sometimes, I don't know what to do I will still trust upon Him because there is no other way but Him.

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