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Our Pet Dogs Will Live Forever In My Heart

I would always write about something good or happy but this time it is different. I hope you brace yourself for this write-up. Forgive me for doing this.

It has been three weeks since our pet shih tzu Marley passed away.  She was 7 years old. About 2 weeks before that her mom Mandy passed away. She’s turning 9 this month. They both had cancer.

My life spent at home with them were the most fun and loving years. I can feel my tears as I’m writing this right now, you know. It breaks my heart every time I think about them. I miss them so much.

I heard it once. People say the things that bring you joy are the same things that bring you sadness. This is it.

I can only watch it in movies. Their pet dogs die and I cry like a river. I couldn’t imagine it happening to me or our family. Mandy and Marley have become our family. They have become our source of joy. I miss spending minutes turned to hours just playing and cuddling with them. More than an owner and pet relationship, I felt like an older sister to both of them. They were our babies.
This house has never been so quiet with them around. It has become their playground.  This has become their world including the people that live in it, our family.

Barking at 5 in the morning would mean two things only. There's a cat or a big dog outside they are mad at them surrounding the house. I can go on writing about what they are like but you can say it is boring. Those were my memories and they will live forever in my heart.

Their final days were the hardest days. Mandy has been sick many times but she would recover. Nobody told us it was time. I felt different while I was force feeding her though. I would ask God. I want to know if she will be healed.

My mom is the one mostly affected. We needed to rush her to the hospital at 1AM the day after Mandy passed. It was the same day we found out Marley is really sick too. She was confined immediately after bringing her at the emergency.

I didn’t know how to react when the vet told us of Marley’s condition. She had a tumor in her chest. There is no way to treat or make surgery. The only way we could do was to help her feel comfortable in her sickness. Several times we would take her to the vet. This is every 5 or 7 days. There were more and more medicines to take. I felt very worried. I can feel my chest tighten to an extent I cannot explain. I had to protect my mom and take care of Marley at the same time.

I could be dreaming. I used to have bad dreams like this. I would want to wake up of this nightmare.
We were still in shock of Mandy’s passing and to go through the same with Marley would be too much. It is so painful. 

I know we will come to this one day, saying goodbye to them. Maybe someday but in this way? I want to question God’s timing. But all I can do was to TRUST Him. 

A friend reminded me of God’s Word and it says “the Lord gives and takes away but blessed is His name forever.” His timing is always perfect and there is no accident to God.

I spent afternoons, evenings and mornings crying. It went on for a week. I would speak to them in my mind and I say “please make your Ate (older sister) stop crying. I’m crying coz this house is so sad without both of you. We miss you everyday..”

If you are not a pet owner, you may not understand how devastating this feels. We are still getting used to not having them around anymore. But if you are a pet owner, I would say spend all the time you need with your pet because all he/she has is you. I spent mine with Mandy and Marley. Yet those 9 and 7 years weren’t enough. All I could do was to think about them and maybe see, touch or play with them in my dreams.

I will always be thankful. We are blessed to have Mandy and Marley in our lives. It's like God let us experience what unconditional love is.  

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